I'm a girl. Watch me self-destruct.

spaceships

2008-02-15T23:45:00.000-08:00

Today was lame. The feeling invoked was a mix of what I felt when my dad told me that my mom and him were splitting up at age 12, that rainy day I got lost in the woods for 4 hours at age 8, and when I found out Santa didn't exist at age 5.

Lost, hopeless, and like my world was shattering around me. I guess this is what growing up feels like. I was promised exhilarating rushes of independence, but as usual, disappointment was delivered.

A lot of the problem is probably that I stew. When something is wrong, I don't say anything until it's somewhat serious, and by then I'm already annoyed by it. Then, when nothing improves for a few months after that, I get pissed, but don't say anything. They put it off further, and I explode. Is this a learned behavior? Or is it primal, and something I need to relearn?

me

2008-02-07T17:39:00.001-08:00

I changed my mind. I am a narcissist. That's why I don't like reading previous posts because I realize I'm not fitting into the image I expect myself to maintain. Pretty pathetic, I agree, just like a narcissist would.

I don't know what I did wrong. Am I just not a thoughtful person? A friend told me I was thought-provoking once, but maybe I just say weird thoughts that come to me, and that doesn't mean that I think about other people's feelings. This is probably very accurate.

karmex is my only friend

2008-02-06T23:21:00.000-08:00

I don't want to cuddle. I don't want to think about cuddling. Cuddling is not on my to do list.

sorry

2008-01-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

It's hard to keep this thing up. I'll write something, and then realize how worthless my worries are. I guess that can be a good tool, but it just makes me loathe myself. I'm sorry I'm not a narcissist. I'll work on it.