spaceships

Today was lame. The feeling invoked was a mix of what I felt when my dad told me that my mom and him were splitting up at age 12, that rainy day I got lost in the woods for 4 hours at age 8, and when I found out Santa didn't exist at age 5.

Lost, hopeless, and like my world was shattering around me. I guess this is what growing up feels like. I was promised exhilarating rushes of independence, but as usual, disappointment was delivered.

A lot of the problem is probably that I stew. When something is wrong, I don't say anything until it's somewhat serious, and by then I'm already annoyed by it. Then, when nothing improves for a few months after that, I get pissed, but don't say anything. They put it off further, and I explode. Is this a learned behavior? Or is it primal, and something I need to relearn?

me

I changed my mind. I am a narcissist. That's why I don't like reading previous posts because I realize I'm not fitting into the image I expect myself to maintain. Pretty pathetic, I agree, just like a narcissist would.

I don't know what I did wrong. Am I just not a thoughtful person? A friend told me I was thought-provoking once, but maybe I just say weird thoughts that come to me, and that doesn't mean that I think about other people's feelings. This is probably very accurate.

karmex is my only friend

I don't want to cuddle. I don't want to think about cuddling. Cuddling is not on my to do list.

sorry

It's hard to keep this thing up. I'll write something, and then realize how worthless my worries are. I guess that can be a good tool, but it just makes me loathe myself. I'm sorry I'm not a narcissist. I'll work on it.